Finding a Career at My Own Pace

I used to live like my life would end at thirty years old. It wasn't that I thought thirty years was elderly. The problem was that I thought that if I didn't have everything done by that age that I wanted to do, my life was wasted, and I couldn't turn back.

Every day that I edged closer to thirty, my panic grew. I had changed majors in college four times from the time I was 17 until I was 24. English, Journalism, Environmental Law, International Studies: each time, I was absolutely positive that the major would perfectly suit what I wanted to do with my life, yet there was always an underlying dissatisfaction that I couldn't identify. So - as the big "30" faced me in a few years' distance - I was gasping for air inside of myself, terrified that I would make nothing of my life, having made "nothing" of it to that time.

As I turned 25, I fell in love again with my career dream from childhood: becoming a teacher. I looked into collegiate programs - having earlier left college without a degree - and found dozens of questions to ask myself. I was insecure, and at the same time, placing a name to my mysterious unhappiness. I had forgotten my best qualities, my dreams, and my passions. I had bought into the philosophy that having a good-paying job would buy happiness.

In a pursuit of a quick and solid career path - myself chased by fears and words that came from my family and peers when I was a child - I was trying to force a place for myself in the world. Although I believed in chasing one's dreams, I was going down the destructive path of finding security and identity at any cost. Maslow once said, "A musician must make his music, an artist must paint, a poet must write if he is to ultimately be at peace with himself." So it is for me: I must educate, and be educated, to be satisfied.