Reflections of a Breakup Part VIII: The Beginning of the End

Since my last entry, the frustration with life had come to a climax. Tom Petty once said that "the waiting is the hardest part" and he was not kidding. Living under these conditions, my ex and I still under the same roof, both looking to put the past behind and move forward, has been excruciatingly difficult. Each day seems like an eternity. Home is no longer home. It's become a place that I dread coming to, and the situation hangs like a dark cloud over life. Unfortunately, we haven't had a choice. As things develop with time though, the outlook is getting better. Although the upswing is near, the darkest days still have to be endured before we can reach the light of the new day.

This week was a test of things to come for me. My ex left the house for five days to watch a friend's dogs while she was away on vacation. The situation provided a practice run for what is to come. I've never lived alone. Sure, my ex has gone away for periods of time before, but that was different. My mindset was different towards this short week. I approached this opportunity differently than in past. This time, I put it in my mind that I was already alone, imagining a fast forward of sorts to the time when I'd be alone for real.

Looking back, the week was a good experience, one that's left me anticipating my new life with excitement. At first, it was awkward and uncomfortable. Once I had gotten home from work on that first day and settled in, something definitely felt different. Having lived with another person for over sixteen years, I'd developed an unrealized sense of comfort in not being alone. I always felt safe and secure in having another being in my space.