Remembering My Mother

MY MOTHER MY SELF


I wish my mother could know me now. I think she would be surprised, maybe even pleased. In the past year, I've been seeing her face in my reflection as I walk past the mirror. Sometimes I stop and look more closely and I'm shocked! In subtle ways, and more overt ones too, I am becoming her. From my expressions, down to the little wrinkle lines beginning to form channels on my face, I am turning into my mother.

She told me this would happen, but I really didn't believe it. Physically, the family resemblance was always strong. My grandmother, aunts, uncles and cousins have all been told this over and over, from friends and strangers alike, all our lives. Now that our mothers and fathers are gone, we cousins tell each other the same thing each time we meet. There's no mistaking we are all related.

Looking back, I guess I knew I'd resemble her as I grew older. The part I didn't expect to happen was how much I THINK like her! I always prided myself on being different in my thinking than my mother. I thought my views were a little more modern and tolerant. I must give her credit, though, she was quite liberal for someone of her generation. Now I see there's a new part of me beginning to emerge, and I think I appreciate my mother's words more now that they are coming out of my OWN mouth!

I began noticing this about the time I turned fifty--I became a grandmother for the first time that year too. I'd hear words coming from my mouth that sounded just like hers. I wasn't consciously thinking of saying them, they just came naturally, surprising me, too! The thoughts were even more amazing than the words.

When I was a girl, I remember my mother talking about something, and I'd think: She doesn't know what she's talking about. It's not that way at all. I'm never going to be that old-fashioned! Guess what? I'm saying the same things now myself, but with one difference: MY thoughts and words aren't old-fashioned! At least my children and grandchildren haven't told me that-----YET!

Here's a little poem I wrote one Mother's Day not too long ago . . .

REMEMBERING MOTHER

My mother's gone,

Some years it's been

But she's always near to me.