19 Ways to Make People Think You're Smart

Wear glasses, whether or not you need them to see. People tend to associate poor eyesight with higher IQs.

Follow the Abraham Lincoln rule. "Better to say nothing and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt." Listen instead of talking. Studies have shown that we almost always believe good listeners are smarter than good speakers.

Tell people you never watch television. In order for this to be effective, you must refrain from comparing notes on the latest episode of Wife Swap, and you must never ever admit to any knowledge whatsoever of the characters or story line in Desperate Housewives.

Carry a book with you at all times. Google literary titles to make your choices, and switch books every couple of weeks. Remember, "He's Just Not That into You" will make you look desperate, not smart.

Be seen in the library or the bookstore regularly. (The bookstores often sell coffee, and both places have big comfortable chairs.)

Work in the computer industry even if you're only responsible for dusting the keyboard displays.

Get the second grader next door to connect and program your DVD player, and then ask her to write you some directions for using it. (Memorize the directions and/or hide them when you have company.)

Never ever use a word unless you can define it completely, have heard it pronounced correctly in a sentence, and have practiced saying it in front of a mirror.

Become an expert about one thing, and use it to change the subject and bore people with whenever a conversation veers into unfamiliar territory and speaking is unavoidable. (The migratory patterns of Canadian geese or how a life insurance policy works are both excellent snoozer topics.)

Don't buy a car that's smarter than you are (ditto for appliances and houses) and, under no circumstances should you drive a car that's any newer than six years old.

Put prestigious college bumper stickers on what's left of your bumpers.

If you're female, tone down the pretty and bring up the neckline. If you don't know how low is too low or how short is too short, you've automatically lost IQ points (whether you deserve it or not).