How to Call a Cat

Step 1: Get The Cat's Attention - Even when it pretends to look half-asleep a cat can still see the tiniest flick of movement or hear the faintest of sounds in its vicinity. Cats are hunters after all so give it something to focus on like a quickly darted twig or the click of your fingernails against each other.

Step 2: Get The Cat Curious - Once you have the cat's attention you have to make it curious. Not enough to kill it, but enough to make it wonder. So hide the twig and stop the sound before starting up and then stopping again. You'll know the cat is hooked by the the intensity of its look.

Step 3: Approach The Cat Slowly - No sudden moves other than the flicking and clicking, but work your way towards the cat making sure it remains transfixed on the bait. If the cat start to move away then return to the baiting to regain its interest.

Step 4: Initiate First Contact With The Cat - Once the cat is comfortable with your closeness then smoothly raise your fingers into its personal space. Let the cat smell your hand and then gently move to scratch behind its ear or under its jaw. If it moves away a little then just try for a light touch on its back, but don't grab the tail whatever you do.

Step 5: Begin Heavy Petting With The Cat - Use your fingertips like your drumming them on a tabletop, lightly at first and then harder as the cat leans into it. You'll know you're doing it right if the cat purrs, closes its eyes and even stretches out.

Step 6: Walk Away From The Cat - Stop stroking and move away from the cat.

Step 7: Call The Cat - If you did it right then the cat will wonder why you left and should even follow you if you so much as kneel down and stretch out your hand. This is when you can say something like "come to me, my minion" to impress your friends, but don't expect it to work without plenty of warm up first (or at the very least some food) because everybody knows you can't actually call a cat.