Looking for Work Never Seems to Get Any Easier

Looking for Mr. Goodjob

I’ve always enjoyed being part of a group. I’ve been a member of the Cub Scouts, the YMCA, Adult Children of Malcontents, Toastmasters International and even a member of the U.S. Navy. I’ve joined groups for camaraderie, professional growth, charitable causes and discounts on airfare. Last year, however, I reluctantly became a member of a group that offered few potential benefits or distinctions: the ranks of the unemployed.

According to recent statistics, over 7 million Americans were dragged, kicking and screaming into our club last year. Unlike the other organizations to which I’ve belonged, I didn’t even want to become a member. I didn’t attend a free introductory seminar, wasn’t sponsored by another member, nor was I coaxed into joining with the promise of a free condo in Aspen. In fact, I’d have to say that I’ve gone to almost any length to achieve expulsion.

Ten years ago, I found myself in a similar situation. After a couple of weeks off for R & R, I picked up Sunday’s classified ad section, circled three or four interesting positions and made a few telephone calls on Monday morning. A couple of interviews later, I’m sitting behind a new desk, filling out health insurance forms and deciding what position to play on the company softball team. Thirteen months of continuous unemployment suggests to me that this time, it was going to be different.

Fortunately, there is no shortage of help available to the unemployed. Immediately upon hearing of my plight, well-wishing friends began dispensing anecdotes on how they landed their first job 30 years ago at El Taco Grande. The local bookstores abound with resources addressing every conceivable angle of the job hunt from writing Pulitzer Prize winning cover letters to preparing for the interview. But the first and most honored tactic is scanning the classified ads.

In their despair to screen for qualified applicants, corporations have begun writing highly discriminative want ads. For instance, I ran across this one last week: