Humor from the Point of View of the Family Dog

I often wonder what my dog is REALLY thinking around the holidays….

“First Mommy and Daddy got all upset with me when I was little and came home and tried to pee in the house. They train me to go and pee on the trees outside instead. I finally figure this out and then BOOM... December comes and they bring the tree back inside the house. Mommy and Daddy got all upset when I started to investigate this. What a great convenience for me when it’s snowing out….the indoor pee-tree sounded great but I was informed I can’t pee on it inside the house. What gives?”

“Then they decorate the tree with shiny, flashy stuff that I can’t touch. They also put up flashing, musical lights; like the house gets darker when they bring the tree in….What’s the deal humans?”

“The next thing that starts is the door bell box trick the mail man has. Usually when he comes he leaves the mail with a Begin’ Strip on it, or he waits for Mommy and Daddy to get the door and he gives it to me himself. Now that the tree is in the house he has started this thing where he drops lots of boxes outside the door and rings the bell…then he takes off. What’s even worse is this happens all times during the day and all different mailmen come. This messes up my sleep schedule… (and makes me want to pee on the tree).”

“Then Mommy gets home and won’t open the boxes that the mailman left. The rest of the year we can open the boxes but not when they bring the tree in the house…now they all go into the bedroom where I can’t reach… (too bad I was mean to the cat…we could have teamed up and he could knock them down and let me open them)”

“Something else I don’t understand is why Mommy keeps wrapping up my new toys. She does it to Daddy too. She comes home with bags and bags of stuff. Normally she just gives it to me. Now that the tree is in the house she has to wrap everything in paper and stick it under the tree AND FOR SOME REASON she gets upset when I try to help by unwrapping it?”