Review of the American Standard Champion Toilet

A Practical Review of the Champion Toilet

American Standard advertises its Champion toilet as having one of the best flushing systems on the planet. They have video of the Champion flushing away up to twenty-four golf balls at once. I've tried to verify this claim by performing my own in-home test, but so far I've only been able to swallow a maximum of twelve golf balls at one sitting, and I won't know for sure whether the Champion can even handle that many until about twenty-four hours from now.

All I can say is the guys at American Standard who tested this thing must have large stomachs and strong teeth.

I did discover that mustard is better than ketchup for increasing the palatability of golf balls, and Titleists taste a bit spicier than Pro Flights.

I purchased my Champion Toilet at Lowes home improvement warehouse store. The tank and bowl had to be purchased separately. Apparently American Standard wants to make sure you have plenty of options in case some acid-dropping homeowner out there wants a two-tone tank and bowl combo. The price was a little steep ($299.98 by the time I'd added the usual toilet replacement items, such as a wax ring and extra flange bolts) for a toilet that doesn't use electricity, but with my diet I figured I could use the assurance that anything I ate would be processed by the toilet and sent far, far away from my living quarters with one pull of the lever. Our prior toilet required the constant close proximity of a plunger.

I had my doubts about the toilet at the beginning of my research for "something better". Just because a toilet can flush down twenty-four golf balls doesn't necessarily mean it is the miracle Americans have been searching for ever since the federal government invaded our most personal activity and mandated that no one could sell a toilet in the U.S. that had a tank capacity larger than that required for a single guppy to live a minimum of one week in. I'd be more impressed if they could demonstrate it flushing something more realistic, like five pounds of polish sausage or eight nine-ounce wads of soft roofing tar mixed with peanuts and corn kernels.