My Lost Year

When people learn that I deployed to Afghanistan or as we say in the Army "went down range", they often want to know what it was like. That is a simple yet difficult question, especially if the person is a civilian. I give them a generic response to determine if they are just asking to be nice or if they are truly interested. Are they asking out of concern or are they asking because it is the question of the day? Do they want to hear all the bad stuff?

Since I have been home, I have learned the fine art of dodging this question. If they do not press, I leave it at that. If it is a fellow Soldier, I feel an obligation to share and prepare them. Sometimes I tell them more then they want to hear. It is easier to spend time with them as we share a common language. We have a common frame of reference.

Many of my friends have deployed two and three times. The damage to their family is also evident. While I do not plan to volunteer for more deployments, I will not avoid my duty to deploy if called upon.

The time away from my family was sad and lonely. I call it " My Lost Year". While my life seemed like it was on hold, it carried on for my family. My wife was the real hero as she too served our country with character and honor. My family, like many other families is the heroes on the home front.

When I returned, there were times that felt left out of family conversations and inside jokes. The family had created a new history with me loosely on the fringes. For a while the common phrase was "Don't you remember...oh I forgot, you weren't here."

We worked hard together to fill in the gaps and developed a new shared history. I shared stories while they shared their accomplishments. About a year later, I regained my role as a husband, father, and mentor.

As I think of my time in Afghanistan, I look back with mixed emotions. For a while, I felt guilty because I sometimes missed my deployment. I have come to realize that I do not miss being away from my family. I mostly miss my Soldiers and the relationships that I developed while deployed. They made the time away from home bearable.