How to Avoid Showing Favoritism to One Child

When I was a child, my big brother favored my younger sister over me. He would not let me go in his room, play with his car race set, or read his books. When our younger sister was born, even though there was a 12 years age difference between them, he took an intense liking to her. He gave her piggy back rides and didn't mind when she left her dolls strewn across his bedroom.

My brother and I have since developed a close relationship and while I am long past this chapter of my life, I never forgot the hurt I felt when someone was being favored over me.

Now that I have a family of my own I am determined not to show favoritism to either own of my two daughters.

There is a big age difference between my two girls, Amber is 9 and Karen is 2. Sitting next to each other, your attention is automatically drawn to the cute precocious toddler, Karen. Her skin is a soft cream color, with dark curly hair in pigtails. She has a round innocent face with brown, expressive eyes and movie star long eye lasses. Amber, while still beautiful tends to pale in comparison. Her skin is a darker tan color, and her hair is more frizzy than curly. Her cute button nose has disappeared and in its place is the domineering banana nose my mother and I have passed down to her. When we go out, people naturally gravitate toward the friendly toddler and pass right by Amber.

When people do this, I make a point of using this time to give Amber a kiss and some special attention. This makes people realize what they've just done and turn to Amber to ask her what it's like being a big sister.

I make a point of reminding Amber of all the things she can do her baby sister can't do.

"Yes, Amber you can spend the night over at your friend's house. Poor Karen, she has to stay home with me."

"Yes, Amber you can have ice cream, but Karen can't. She has to drink her bottle."

I also set aside time to spend with Amber, be it reading a book, playing cards, or polishing our nails together. As a result, despite the big age difference, my two girls are as close as sisters can be. Karen looks to Amber for comfort and mimics everything she does. Amber takes the responsibility of being a big sister seriously and enjoys being looked up to.