Divorced! - First "Same-person Marriage" Ends in Bitter Divorce

Boston, MA – In a sad epilogue to an earlier published story (For Better or For Worse...), Roland Nigland, 33, has filed for divorce from himself citing irreconcilable differences. Readers may recall that Nigland, of Boston, Massachusetts became the first person to publicly profess his love for himself in what was believed to be the first “same-person” marriage on record.

“I honestly don’t know what happened,” said Nigland. “I was so much in love with myself. After the wedding, I set up house in a renovated Beacon Hill apartment, found a new job and made plans to start a family. All the usual stuff. But then just as quickly, things began to fall apart.”

After only 18 months of marriage, Nigland began noticing that he stopped communicating with himself. “I used to love to walk along the beach holding my hand in mine, reminiscing about all of the good times I had,” said Nigland. “I’d stay up half the night caressing myself, laughing and giggling like a teenager. I even talked about raising a little Nigland or two. But suddenly, I stopped sharing intimate secrets with myself. Sex became more and more infrequent and there were the calls from a mysterious stranger who would hang up as soon as I answered the telephone. I began to suspect that I might be having an affair, so I hired a private investigator.”

“He was pretty distraught when he first contacted me,” said Elwood Leggette, Private Investigator with Kanari, Shefer and Mordechai Investigation Services. “Mr. Nigland told me that he suspected himself of having an affair. He complained of late nights at the office, Chapstick stains on his collar and a declining sex drive at home. It seemed pretty clear to me that he was onto something.”

After three months of tailing Nigland, Leggette was unable to catch him in the throws of another lover. “I followed him to and from the office, out to dinner, to the movies. The only person I saw him with was himself. He didn’t even have any friends. So, we decided to terminate the investigation.”

Roland Nigland struggles to cope with his failed marriage to himself.

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