Accepting God's Will Through Reflection on His Agony and His Crucifixion

For as long as I can remember, the Agony in the Garden has been my favorite scripture passage (Matt 26:36-46). Even as a child, I could relate to the suffering Christ. While my parents were not churchgoers, I had made my First Holy Communion before our family stopped going to church, so I knew Jesus. Later, as a teenager, I would search for God after my brother committed suicide. By the time I was through college and a second brother died of a drug overdose, I had already been confirmed in the Catholic Church and found that the meaning of life lies in the Cross.

For me, Jesus' Agony in the Garden of Gethsemane shows His humanity more than any other scripture passage in the Bible. When I struggle to accept God's will in my life, this passage always brings me hope as I ponder His agony. This passage took on a new meaning when I became a mother and later found out that two of my children had a genetic bone marrow failure syndrome called Shwachman-Diamond Syndrome (SDS). This time in my life was also the first time that I could really identify with Christ crucified. When my middle son was diagnosed with SDS at the age of two, I struggled to accept the diagnosis. We had been searching for answers for over a year-and-a-half, yet finally getting the diagnosis was not something easy to accept. I could not understand how God's will could be found in having a child with a potentially fatal illness. I looked to my favorite passage and God gave me the grace I needed to accept His Divine Will.