The Fighting Cows of Switzerland

You can’t make this stuff up. 

The funniest comic strip I’ve ever read is the Washington Times. In fact, without trying, most newspapers rival the best comedic bits. The heck with Reality TV. If you *really* want to warp a child’s mind, hand him the A section of your local daily.
The AP followed a story recently that appeared in the Chicago Sun Times, among others, and was later covered as “breaking news” in the Post I.E, an online publication. This isn’t just news, mind you - -it’s breaking news. So if the headline: Switzerland's Fighting Cows Face Doping Tests doesn’t catch your eye, the concept of it being breaking news would have to make you pause.

What’s mind numbing to me is the fact that someone could, with a straight face, turn in a news report that assumes cows fighting is normal, and the *breaking news* part is that the cows must now be drug tested. But that’s the case, and to be fair, the dutiful reporter was just giving it as it was told to him. By all accounts I’ve read, the Swiss stopped dope testing their cows in 2002 because after six years, not one cow had ever been found to be using. No junkie cows - -not in Switzerland, anyway. I’m guessing after the recent steroid revelations by some of the most beloved baseball icons, sporting officials decided they needed to put safeguards in place. You never know. The Swiss just want to be sure their cows are not all hopped up on steroids or growth hormones before they get into a ring and butt the crap out of one another. 

As with every news story, the more I read about this, the more questions I have. 

Who told the cows to fight, and why? What are they so upset about? How is it that Switzerland, a country that professed neutrality during WWII, promotes violence among its animals? Bovine gang banging? Since cows don’t wear clothes, how do they know which side they’re on?
See, so many questions.