What You Can Do with a Klondike Bar!

Revealing Emails Lead to Resignation

Senator Clyde Ramified (I) Alaska announced his resignation today after a startling report from the New York Herald. It has been revealed by an unknown reporter by the name of Bob Woodward that Ramifield had been sending shocking emails to the Sara Lee Company requesting free Klondike Bars! Ramifield stated he would advertise the tasty bars on his blog site for all of his constituents to peruse, if in return, he would receive at least 150 bars for the rest of his senatorial term. A period of time, which has sadly, come to an abrupt end.
Senator Ramifield has held office for two terms and has been known for his strong support of bovine roaming in free grass, the legalization of non-pasteurized cheese and the removal of all smoked hams. He has stated, without fury, that smoked ham is an epidemic throughout the pork world and should be condemned and discontinued. Although, few people have paid any attention to him, he still seems to be eloquent to many flying pigs!
Ramifield's career began after he stopped working part-time at an area ice cream shop and was coerced by his family and friends to get a full time job. The dot.com craze had begun and instead of taking advantage of this phenomenon he went into politics instead. He became the Congressman on the Populist ticket in the fall of 1990 and moved to Washington, never to be seen again by any of his family or friends, or constituents for that matter. Many had wondered if he still existed-but voted for him during each election because they found it was easier than going to the grocery store in Juno. Then in late 1999 a blog was developed by Ramifield requesting the vote of the entire state of Alaska for one of their Senate seats. His election was met with a terrifying landslide vote and he became the junior senator of the state-to the great happiness and relief of all.
In the summer of 2002 a slight whispering campaign among the press began making the rounds of area D.C. bars that Ramifield had been writing to Ben and Jerry's asking for their support in a Presidential bid. Ben and Jerry defiantly denied this rumor and the story died a quiet death.
Two days ago, the New York Herald ran the staggering report concerning the emails sent by Ramifield to Sara Lee. Not only, did Woodward reveal the story and the source of same, but also gave out copies of the emails to the D.C. press corps, which disclosed many typos and spelling errors. Dr. Whitmore Van Millet, the Surgeon General of the United States, announced that these kinds of grammatical patterns are indicative of a deeper deviation that cannot be revealed in the company of any sort of cow. He also stated there would probably be a federal investigation in the wake of Ramifield's resignation. He then took a drink from his glass of milk and walked away from the podium.
The calls from this writer have not been returned by the Ramifield office, the Sara Lee Company, or the surgeon general staff.
However, Helen Thomas, the elder reporter who has covered the news since the days of John F. Kennedy, stated in a jocular tone, "I guess this is what you can do with a Klondike bar."