Why Your Woman Left You: How to Prevent Divorce in the Modern World

The divorce rate in America is at an all-time high. What can a man do to keep a woman happy? These four things have been scientifically proven^* to be the keys to a successful relationship. This is not comprehensive, only a starting point. Why did she leave your sorry ass for the pool boy? Here is why.

You didn't listen
Women talk all the damn time, fellows. This is not new. After a few years, the male ears undergo a physiological change which turns the siren's song of their bride into white noise for which we compensate by turning up the TV volume. Unfortunately, once every 6 to 8 months, she says something important. It us usually about her mom or what she want's for her birthday, but guys, we missed it because the game was in overtime.

Overtime is when this fatal mistake always occurs. Women have the uncanny ability to know the exact moment our limited brains will be totally focused else where. The importance of her words are directly proportional to the importance of the game and the number of overtimes. Here's a chart:

1. College volleyball season opener, 1st overtime = the dog peed in the floor.
2. College basketball final four, 2nd overtime = the dog just died.
3. World series 14th inning = a diamond ring is what she wants for your anniversary.
4. Superbowl sudden death = her mom died, she's leaving and taking the kids.

Let us err on the side of caution, gentlemen. Only watch soccer. Nothing exciting ever happens. There is plenty of time to really listen to your partner while Beckham is dribbling. Even in overtime, this is still just soccer. You can be assured the fate of world sports does not hang in the balance.

You're too damn sensitive
Heterosexual women like men. Look up the definition of heterosexual, if you don't believe me. They like men to be men. Not stereotypical brutes. Not redneck, bitch-slapping pimps. Not effeminate metrosexuals. Women want men to be the full spectrum that is a man. If you don't know what that means, check the luggage. It's probably already packed with half her clothes in anticipation of the inevitable.