How to Insult with Style

As I was driving the other day and was cut off in traffic and just about to roll down my window and issue the universal hand salute, I paused, and had this thought - "When did we lose our ability to creatively insult one another?" Think about it. While I am quite fond of the word's versatility, it takes zero imagination to scream the F- word or issue the gesture that corresponds to it. Now I'm not anti F-word. I'm pro F-word. It packs a punch, makes a point, and sometimes a good FU is worth the amends you may have to make later. But we must use it sparingly or it loses its power. Case in point: I was watching some young comedian on HBO the other night and almost every sentence contained the F-word. I actually got bored!

So, I started thinking about insulting people at a higher level. To really, really insult someone without curse words takes intelligence, imagination, and doing so, I believe, can make you a much classier person.

Insults are easier and frankly more fun than compliments. Mason Cooley wisely acknowledged, "We are prepared for insults, but compliments leave us baffled."

Source material for creative insults abounds - look at movies, song lyrics, works of literature (Shakespeare was a hoot), famous speakers, television shows, stealing good ones from friends, the list goes on and on.

If you decide to join my cause and insult creatively, here are some classics from various sources to both illustrate my point and get you started. Feel free to modify these for your own purposes until you come up with your own.

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." -- Winston Churchill

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." -- Mark Twain

"Do you think God is going to come down here and save you for being stupid? He doesn't save stupid people, Abel." Eli Sunday - There Will Be Blood

"How foul and loathsome is thine image." -- The Taming of theShrew, William Shakespeare

"All the blood to your brain is in vain." -- Clue, sung by Frente

"You're ugly and your mother dresses you funny." -- What we said in elementary school before knowledge of curse words dulled our imaginations.