The Pain, the Power, the Punch-Line - Sexual Abuse Recovery

As a survivor of incest, I was accustomed to pain. As I began working my way through the past years of childhood sexual abuse, I discovered reservoirs of repressed pain. It has taken years to uncover the secrets bound up within my own wounded soul and learn how to exchange the pain of the past for the joy of the Lord. Scripture tells us that the joy of the Lord is our strength; yet it is that strength and power that was so very unfamiliar to me.

Victimization steals our power. As victims of abuse, we realize how totally powerless we were in those situations. Part of the recovery process is regaining power and learning how to live from a position of strength. When once we realize that we do have power, then we have to decide what to do with it. Do we do evil in return for the evil done to us? Do we utter hasty words of forgiveness that requires nothing of the offenders? If we truly can see through new eyes, then where do we direct our gaze? Do we still look backward into the past, or do we gaze intently into an unknown future? Better yet, is there a way to remember the past without feeling all the pain, and bring that past into the future with us? Is there really a way to totally integrate the past with the present and the future without closing off that part of our lives that represents our past, with all its ugliness and sorrow, and still continue to move forward in strength and power? Is that what wholeness is all about? It seems that this journey is definitely not for the weak.

After processing many years of incestual memories from my childhood, the road to recovery only became more treacherous. It's true, I had experienced a sense of power for a season. I found myself standing upon a plateau after years of hard work and gut-wrenching flashbacks. It felt good to stand there and see just how far I had come. I definitely felt stronger and knew that I had overcome tremendous abuse.