Social Security Solvency: How to Ensure Social Security Benefits, Cut 400 Billion Dollars in Federal Spending a Year, and Make Everyone Happy

Well, Almost Everyone

So you think there's a Social Security crisis, huh? Then you probably believe that Saddam Hussein and Bin Laden used to spend league nights together down at the Baghdad Bowling Bunker, rolling balls of uranium yellowcake, chowing down on 2500-dinar Allah-you-can-eat cheezee nachos from the Akbar Snackbar.

In other words, your reality is informed more by nonsensical rhetoric than, well, reality.

The Social Security program is entirely solvent for the next 34 to 44 years. Social Security now collects more in taxes than it pays in benefits annually. It's estimated this will no longer be the case by 2018, when the program will begin to withdraw funds from its surplus. The surplus will run out in either 2042 (according to the 2005 Social Security trustees report) or 2052 (as projected by the Congressional Budget Office). After that, Social Security will rely solely on collected taxes, and will be able to continue paying out benefits at 75 to 80% of earmarked amounts. As Social Security benefits increase annually, even reduced future payouts will be more than what today's senior citizens receive.

Crisis shmisis.

Clearly, though, preemptive financial measures to ensure future Social Security annuities would be prudent. There will be a problem, nobody's denying that. Without fueling the retirement fund privatization conspiracy, we certainly don't want to be the proverbial ostriches lounging lazily on the beach, sipping Mai Tais with our heads up our sandy asses.

Or do the ostriches drink Bahama Mamas? I can never remember that part of the metaphor.

My Social Security solution is so brilliantly simple that it can be summed up in only two words: abolish Medicare.

Now, I know what you're thinking: "If we abolish Medicare, won't millions of senior citizens be unable to pay for essential doctor visits and life-saving medications?"

Exactly.

Hear me out on the benefits of this plan and you'll get through the initial stage of distaste, a common but misguided reaction.