How Parents Can Help Build a Child's Self-Esteem

Self-esteem is not a static attitude or a skill that can be learned once and put away. Our self-esteem fluctuates at various times throughout our lives - taking dips into the valleys and rising high to peaks where we feel invincible. Parents can help their child develop a strong base of self-esteem to help weather him or her through the tough times, but it is important to remember that helping your child develop and maintain good self-esteem is an ongoing effort…

1. Tell your child that you love him or her - Affection, acceptance and sincere statements of love are the foundation of helping your child feel loved and cherished. Look for new ways to show your child how much you love him, in addition to your verbal declarations. Unconditional love is incredibly important. Work to separate your feelings about your child’s behavior from your child. Even challenging teenagers (or, especially challenging teenagers) need to know that mom and dad love them regardless of what mistakes or misdeeds they may commit.

2. Praise and correct your child using specifics - If every time your child even attempts something, a parent praises “Great job, John!” the words lose meaning and children actually begin to suffer diminished self esteem. By pointing out specific things your child does that are praiseworthy, your child will respond to the truthfulness and genuine appreciation you show. Conversely, when you need to offer criticism or correct your child, also be specific - by saying she is “a bad child” or a “sloppy person,” you are denigrating her as a whole. Instead, by saying specifically, “I feel frustrated when you leave your cereal bowl in the living room and I’d like you to rinse it and put it in the dishwasher.” The more specific and less emotional you are in your comments, the more your child will feel respected - and that helps build self esteem too.