5 Ways to Make Life More Exciting

Nine to five jobs make the weekdays creep by at a snail’s pace. Heck, they can be downright demoralizing. I can attest to this because I am writing this article while I am at work- just to make the day go by faster.

On occasion, my work daydreams produce wonderful fantasies that send me scrambling for a notepad and a pen. What follows is a collection of some of my finer ideas on how to make life more interesting.

-Replace all meteorologists with animals. With the exception of baseball players, can you name another profession where failure is accepted as often as it is with weathermen? And they don’t even have to hit a moving object. All they have to do is read off a computer! Most people are capable of reading the graphics on display without assistance, so why not put an animal on camera? Giraffes, goats, or zebras need not be paid, so the television station is saving money in the process as well. It’s a win-win situation.

-The NBA should replace foul shots with spelling bees. This one is a no-brainer. Literally. If these over-privileged punks want to set an example that education is completely meaningless, then it is time their ignorance is put on display. The next time someone is fouled in the act of shooting, instead of going to the line, he has to appear in front of the scorer’s table. Difficulty of words will be determined by the amount of “schooling” each player has had. Darius Miles can try his luck with words like, “towel” or “couch,” while Duke graduates can strut their stuff on “onomatopoeia” or “ecclesiastical.”

-Offer games of chance at bars. Imagine waiting for a drink, when all of a sudden, you hear people chanting, “Spin the wheel! Spin the wheel!” You see a guy plop down $3, and the wheel spins. It can land on anything from “cocktail of your choice” to “shot of tartar sauce.” Naturally the crowd will want to see the latter, but either way, it would be a thrilling experience for patrons and bartender alike.