Mother's Day and Borderline Personality Disorder: When Mom's an Emotional Terrorist
Terrorism had a face on September 11, 2001. It is also known as "9/11". The despicable act knows no boundaries. It is one-sided. It is disguised on its omnipotent goals. It is devoid of empathy and awareness of human feelings. It uses threats and suicide as its weapons. It is spurred by feelings of vindictiveness and vengefulness. For the terrorists, their actions are legitimate, justifiable and a response to an injustice. The terrorists become obsessed with a self-serving plan based on their distorted reality.
The Emotional terrorist Defined
Hollywood film makers portrayed the Emotional terrorist character in many of its movies including "Mommie Dearest, Body Heat, Fatal Attraction, Sophie's Choice, Single White Female, Basic Instinct, Black Widow, and All About Eve".
History gave us Hitler and Osama Bin Laden as terrorist epitomes.
Erin Pizzy, referring to her work with women, explained the working definition of an emotional terrorist in the article "Working with Violent Women". An emotional terrorist seeks to achieve a destructive goal to her family member and carry out actions without boundaries. These violent-prone actions are seen as legitimate grievances. The real or imagined legitimacy turns into an obsession.
The emotional terrorist has "unresolved tendencies from a problematic childhood'. The powerful, overwhelming outrage is a mirror to their childhood's painful memories. Thinking of themselves as victims, the emotional terrorist recreates their violent-prone past into their relationships. The emotional terrorist recognizes only her pain and thus becomes insensitive to the feelings of other family members.
The above definition puts a face to many personality disorders including borderline personality disorder (BPD). BPDCentral.com indicated that mental health resources showed 75% of those with BPD are women. The undetected statistics of men fall under the category of narcissism.
Mother's Day for Children of Borderlines
The Emotional terrorist Defined
Hollywood film makers portrayed the Emotional terrorist character in many of its movies including "Mommie Dearest, Body Heat, Fatal Attraction, Sophie's Choice, Single White Female, Basic Instinct, Black Widow, and All About Eve".
History gave us Hitler and Osama Bin Laden as terrorist epitomes.
Erin Pizzy, referring to her work with women, explained the working definition of an emotional terrorist in the article "Working with Violent Women". An emotional terrorist seeks to achieve a destructive goal to her family member and carry out actions without boundaries. These violent-prone actions are seen as legitimate grievances. The real or imagined legitimacy turns into an obsession.
The emotional terrorist has "unresolved tendencies from a problematic childhood'. The powerful, overwhelming outrage is a mirror to their childhood's painful memories. Thinking of themselves as victims, the emotional terrorist recreates their violent-prone past into their relationships. The emotional terrorist recognizes only her pain and thus becomes insensitive to the feelings of other family members.
The above definition puts a face to many personality disorders including borderline personality disorder (BPD). BPDCentral.com indicated that mental health resources showed 75% of those with BPD are women. The undetected statistics of men fall under the category of narcissism.
Mother's Day for Children of Borderlines
Comments
anonymous
(Guest)
(Guest)
11/24/2009
Thank you for your comments. I also had a mom with bpd though not diagnosed. I remember standing in the card section thinking, yeah right - when I read the mushy accolades to mothers, and culling numerous cards until I found one that vaguely just said 'hope you have a great mothers day" or something like that. I lost my mom almost 2 years ago, but I still feel the pangs of guilt at the thoughts I had when reading those cards which I could not bring myself to purchase. I loved my mom desparately and still do, but no those cards were not describing the woman I knew and the pain she inflicted on me.
anonymous
(Guest)
(Guest)
11/03/2009
This article fits my life like a glove. Whenever Mother's Day comes, I instinctively roll my eyes and think to myself, "Do I HAVE to? Why should I even buy a card for her? Let alone try to *make her feel special*" Then I feel guilty because I'm supposed to think my mother is a wonderful mom and good role model. I would not pick my mom as a role model for anybody! My sister, dad, and I dread buying gifts for her because there is always something wrong with them. And I've heard the "nobody does anything special for me/ nobody appreciates me/ everything I do is for other people" speech a hundred million times. We all bend over backward for her, and she denies it.
I've just recently discovered that there are other people going through the same thing- God bless you for not trying to hide this horrible behaviour like I do.
This is VERY degrading to anyone with this disorder and it's uncalled for. Not every mother like this has Borderline Personality Disorder and every mother with Borderline Personality Disorder is MOST CERTAINLY not like this! How dare you say such derogatory things about an entire group of people.
Anonymous
(Guest)
(Guest)
07/23/2009
Thank you for this. I have never been able to bring myself to do much on Mother's Day for my own mother. I hate trying to find a card or put together anything special. The holiday is miserable for me as I vacillate between feeling like a giant hypocrite and a terrible, ungrateful child. It's true, I think only other people with BPD mothers understand how horrible and damaging it is to grow up this way. I have multiple personalities because of it that come out in times of stress, and ptsd so bad that I lose my vision temporarily and have uncontrollable shakes when my mother gets a certain tone in her voice. I can't even see her right now. Bless you for being so honest in this article.
Annie
(Guest)
(Guest)
04/15/2009
I've gotten a lot of help and validation from the BPD Central Support Group for the non-bpd adult kids of borderline parents, at Yahoo. I've found it really does make a difference to share experiences with others who have gone through the same thing. Other adult KOs understand how devastating and crippling it is to be raised by a mentally ill, abusive mother. I wish all children could be rescued from their bpd moms before they are permanently scarred the way I was.
TemporaryInVanity
(Guest)
(Guest)
01/10/2009
Hallelujah!! If it were not for the Grace of God and His wisdom, I do not know what I would have done or who I would have become. The Bible says, if anyone of you is without wisdom, ask God who give liberally and without condemnation -this is my paraphrase from James 1:5
Giving forgiveness and Seeking forgivness are powerful empowering actions as they are rooted in Love. Love never fails.
God first showed me spiritual what BPD was. He showed me the idols I had erected. God is a jealous God. He will not allow his beloved to have false gods. He had also showed me the solution is to, hold every thought captive and to renew my mind to the mind of Christ. Essentially cognitive behavioral therapy. How amazing is He!! Seek and you shall find, ask and it will be given. Hallelujah!
Bless you Mrs. Treasures for your candid witness and praise God Almighty.
Temporary in Vanity, it is not too late. You can ask forgiveness from those you have hurt. This is the start of healing for yourself and your family. God will never abandon you. There is hope if you seek Him. He is the Divine Healer.
Temporary InVanity
(Guest)
(Guest)
09/12/2008
Trust is a huge issues for all of us.
Relationships are very difficult and I often isolate myself from others for fear of having an emotional episode which I then am embarrassed about or lose face. I had seen an documentary on tics. This is how it often feels. You can see it happening but you have no control and is often brought about by stress. Stress is often a lack of trust in God. I pray a lot to trust God more
Temporary InVanity
(Guest)
(Guest)
09/12/2008
There needs to be more awareness and information on this horrible disorder for the sake of all. It was not until I was 37 and my children were 20 and 17 that I had a name to place with my disorder. It is hard to overcome the symptoms associated with this devistating disorder if you don't know what the problem is or that one exists. I am thankful I knew there was an issue. BPD is often misdiagnosed or overlooked as the person just being "difficult." Although, I was not as severe as the BPD described in Mrs. Treasure's article, I could relate as I too am a victim of BPD parents and have overcome many unhealthy behaviors. My kids have suffered though not in the same ways I had perhaps. It tears my heart apart for their sake and mine- of course. My son is more sensitive or handled my outbursts differently than my daughter. By the time I had them I had some realitive normalcy but during times of stress, I would lose my self control and have to fight to regain it. Trust is a huge i
Veronica
(Guest)
(Guest)
05/27/2008
Thank-you for telling the real truth about how difficult it is and how utterly emotionally draining it is to have a mother with borderline personality disorder. There are so many articles that tiptoe around the truth and never tell how adult children of BPD's are in constant terror from their mothers. This article was spot-on and I thank-you for giving a voice to all the adult children who are utterly confused and victims of this terrible illness that rips families and souls apart. I am an adult child victim as well and I could relate to EVERY sentence in this article.
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