Herschel Walker's Battle with D.I.D. And Suicidal Thoughts

And My Own Struggle with Mental Illness

Former NFL star Herschel Walker has recently published a book, "Breaking Free," that reveals his struggle with Dissociative Identity Disorder. If this sounds like a new disorder, it isn't. It's the new name for what was once known as multiple personality disorder.

In an interview with ABC News explains in his book that the person he was on a football field was literally not the person he was outside of the game. In fact, Walker had several alternate personalities, known as alters. After retiring from the NFL, Walker dealt with memory loss, a symptom of D.I.D. Because other personalities are the ones taking action, he often cannot remember things he has said or done.

Walker also began to have suicidal thoughts, and even found him self playing Russian roulette with a loaded gun.

Suicidal thoughts are a scary symptom to live with, and something I am very familiar with. From the age of 13 I suffered from major depressive disorder, general anxiety disorder, and I self-injured. I was not diagnosed, however, until I was 17 and forced into treatment by a school counselor.

Later at 18, I developed and was diagnosed with anorexia.

These issues were a huge burden for my young mind. To be dealing with not just one but many mental illnesses at the same time was stressful and chaotic. I felt alone and scared, especially at a time when I was looking for acceptance from my peers and family. Instead, when they learned of my illness I was treated differently and looked at as if I were insane.

The feeling of isolation that suffering from a mental illness can bring was too much for me to bear. I often spent days wishing I would be in an accident crossing the street or that I just wouldn't wake up the next morning. I often researched ways to commit suicide and contemplated which ones would be easiest.

The anorexia brought those feelings on even stronger. It was excruciating to live with the thoughts of calories, food and exercise every single day and feeling that I could not control them. I felt always unhappy with my body, no matter how much weight I lost, and suicide seemed an easy way to stop all of the madness that was going on in my head.