Is a Bitter Custody Battle Worth It?
When children are caught in the middle of divorce proceedings, it can often lead to an ugly custody battle. Kids who are already going through an emotional upheaval due to the divorce will have even more stress shoved on them when that battle throws them in the middle. An important question the parents should ask themselves is, "Is a custody battle worth it?"Remember the Children...
When my ex husband and I divorced, we decided first and foremost to put the children first. He had once told me that if our marriage were to ever end, he would fight me for custody. I believed him. He was, and is, a wonderful father. There was no reason to turn what could be a fairly amicable divorce into an ugly custody battle for no apparent reason. As unconventional as it was at the time, and as heartbreaking as it was for me, he retained custody of our children. The result? Because we did our best to put our differences aside during the divorce proceedings, we are friendly towards each other today. We can be together for ball games and school functions without any tension. My oldest son recently told me that our divorce was "different" from other divorces his friends' parents had gone through and he was glad that his father and I got along. Hearing his thoughts made that heartbreaking decision worth it.
All too often, it seems that the parents will use a custody battle to hurt each other. Accusations and ugly words will be slung back and forth, in courtrooms and in private. They often don't realize that what they say may hurt the kids more than their spouse. Children love both parents. They don't want, or need, to hear ugly words about either one. By putting the children first and deciding what would actually make this time less stressful for them, you can avoid a lot of unnecessary pain.
Ask Yourself...
- Put the children first.
- Kids are already going through an emotional time due to the divorce.
- Routines are important for a child's stability.
Comments
Great article. I never had that situation, because my 1st child's father married the wicked witch of the west (karma is good) and she wouldn't even let him see his son; and my second one died (karma is also good...long story). My kids just had me, although my sister (aka "The Wicked Witch of the East) threatened to sue me for custody once many years ago. I know it must have torn your heart out to have your kids live with him, but much better than dragging them through an ugly custody battle.
Man, I know some ex couples who could use this as an inspiration. I'll refer them, but they won't pay heed in any case. Good article.
Charweaver
(Guest)
(Guest)
05/02/2008
Good article. Great Mom (and Dad).
It sounds like you and your ex-husband were very mature during your divorce in putting aside your own feelings and concentrating on the welfare of your children. That is really commendable.
Sophie
Thanks for your insight on a difficult situation. I agree...the welfare and happiness of the children should come first. Unfortunately, during the majority of divorces, the children seem to suffer the most.
you're right.................children come first because they are the worst sufferers.....................
So true, and so crucial in a society where most marriages end in divorce. One thing that can make things easier is if the parents agree to joint legal custody and set physical custody where it best serves the children. The joint legal custody means that major decisions are made jointly. On the other hand, another whole can of worms gets opened if one of the parents (especially the one with which the kids live) needs to (or decides to) move far away. The only way to have that work is if the other parent is involved in the plan and the two parents can make arrangements to maximize the time the kids get to spend with the non-(physical)-custodial parent.
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