How Gene Simmons and KISS Potty Trained My Toddler

I'll admit it. I tried everything. I read books. I sang along with Elmo. I danced and sang along with "Me Potty Wotty," which hands down has to be the coolest reggae potty song for children that would only be greater if Jimmy Cliff was performing it. Then I jumped up and down, clapped, and screamed louder than any crazed fan seated in the first ten rows of Walnut Creek Amphitheater. Heck, I was probably more like the craziest most obnoxious fan of all cheering from my lawn seat just so the front row could hear me! Still, my obstinate son refused to take much interest in his potty chair. Since going potty tends to be a solo performance, I was literally at the end of my rope - a rope which I continued to want to wrap around the neck of each well intentioned family member or friend who questioned in disapproval why my toddler was still not potty trained. Despite considerable patience and drastic efforts, I just didn't have The Magic Touch when it came to toilet training a little boy. I considered that it might have something to do with not having the right equipment, but I knew I could lip sync and improvise with the best of them. However, you cannot imagine my surprise when I discovered that Gene Simmons, Peter Criss, and KISS made my son's interest in the potty chair really come Alive!

My son spent an afternoon visiting with his cousin. Without my knowledge, or necessarily my motherly approval, my son watched a KISS video. When he arrived home, my son excitedly came through the front door shouting, "Watch KISS mommy, watch KISS." No, I had not misunderstood. He did not wanna give me a kiss on my cheek as I might have hoped. He rushed inside, found his Play-a-Song Rock'N'Roll Guitar and started jamming. All around the house he ran in circles from one room to the next and shouted, "I wanna Rock-N-Roll" or "Mommy, watch me rock-n and a roll-n!" My son has barely been alive on the planet for two and half years, and already I completely understand how the parents of teenage girls everywhere felt when Elvis first gyrated his pelvis.