21 Good Things About Being in Your Fifties

For Women Only

Turning 55 this past year was not my best day. It hit hard. So I really tried to think of some positive things. And I actually came up with more than I thought I would. So here they are:

1. You don't have to worry about creepy guys hitting on you anymore; most of them are dead already.  

2. Pimples and wrinkles work together now in a symbiotic relationship. Pimples sink into your wrinkles-and the pimples plump out the wrinkles. See? The laws of physics are on your side.

3. You only have to wash your hair once a week now-if you remember to, that is.

4. Incontinence pads are less expensive than tampons.

5. You don't have to worry about getting ahead in your career anymore; it's mostly over.

6. You don't have to be scared of dying in your 30s.

7. If you weren't that good looking when you were young, you don't look so bad now.

8. All those women who looked good when they were young? They look bad now.

9. No one puts those tricky candles on your birthday cake. Everyone expects you to go into respiratory distress anyway.

10. You don't have to be scared of dying in your 40s.

11. No one expects you to be great at sex anymore; you get a lot of credit for just being awake.

12. And if you're not awake, not snoring goes a long way.

13. People stop telling you to "think of the alternative" when you say you're not thrilled about another birthday.

14. You don't have to "wash any more men out of your hair (from the musical South Pacific)." That's because there are so few left-men and hair.

15. It's easier to stay in those difficult yoga poses now; it's getting out of them that's the problem.

16. You only have 20 more years before you can retire.

17. It's true-you do need less sleep at night. But let's not forget the four-hour naps during the day.

18. You worry a lot less of what people think of you than you used to. That's because you remember people a lot less than you used to.

19. You realize that you've only just reached "middle-age." Everyone knows that most people live to 110 these days.

20. It's so much easier to shop for a bra now because your breasts are so much more flexible.

21. Your memory for certain numbers has actually improved. Take 911, for example.