Why Do I Still Love Him?

Acclaimed Psychic & Advice Columnist Zuri Helps a Woman Understand the Emotional Addiction to Her "Charming" Abuser

Q. Dear Zuri:

Why do I still love him? I met D nearly two years ago. He was nice to start with, very loving and kind. Then we moved in together and he became someone I didn't know. He didn't like me seeing my mates, family, anyone. He has hurt me by throwing things at me, got into debt at my house and

 even took my old wedding rings. So why do I still want him?

- JT 4/64 and DT 8/65

A. Dear J:

D likes to be in control in all aspects of his relationships and when he does not get his way, he shuts down and stops being a charismatic and fun guy. Frankly, it's part of his game. In the beginning, he gains a woman's trust and confidence by pretending to be everything that they could ever want in a perfect
guy: loving, caring and attentive.

When you gave your power away to this man, you became defeated and the relationship soured. That's exactly the position he wants to see you in. You have to work on becoming a stronger person by creating wholeness within. The first step is to give yourself permission to love the most important person in your life: yourself. The next step involves working on your self esteem and finding happiness within yourself. With professional help, you can become more discerning in your interactions with potential suitors by recognizing men who are not good for you and who try to take your power away. You also have to understand that love does not mean control and that is what you confused love with. When a relationship is based on real love, both people are allowed to just be themselves, grow as individuals with interests and careers outside the relationship, as well as have relationships with family and friends. When those areas are not supported, it is not love. You misinterpreted his control for affection. He looked at you as someone he could manipulate and once he got you where he wanted you, the gloves came off.