How to Help Your Children Through Your Divorce

I was 4 months old when my parents began divorcing, and in the 4th grade by time their divorce ended. Divorces can be rough on children, especially when a custody battle ensues.

My first and foremost recommendation to helping your child deal with a divorce, is to be an adult. Stop for five seconds and think about what's right for your children, and not what you want to take from your now no longer significant other. Yes, taking the right to see someone's kid away hits them where it hurts, and that vengeance may taste delicious, but who else are you hurting? Yes, I realize your petty fighting, gloating over who won what and name calling may make you feel better in the heat of a break up, but who else is listening? Too many parents think only of themselves in times like these, and forget the best thing, or possibly things they took from their marriage, their kids. By taking a mature and respectful approach to divorce you not only spare your children the pain of living in that kind of situation, but you make things far easier on yourself.

My second tip for helping your child through your divorce is to talk to your child.

The best way to make a kid understand why your getting a divorce, is to tell them. No matter the age, a child is a person too, and should always be treated as one. Honesty is the best policy. No, "Daddy left us" or "Mommy went on vacation and won't be around for awhile." Just tell them the truth. You're getting a divorce and why you are getting that divorce. They will eventually find out on their own anyway, and lies from the past can hurt the future.

Trying to keep your divorce hush-hush is also a bad idea. This puts out the image that divorce is a bad thing, and that your child is now somehow below everyone else, disadvantaged and from a broken home. An upfront honest approach helps children understand that divorce is ok, and that just because mommy and daddy aren't together any more, that doesn't mean anything is broken. This will also make them less likely to stay in an abusive relationship later in life for the sake of their children and to avoid divorce.