Are You Stepping on Your Child's Gift?

I just received an email on biblical parenting that advises parents to not allow children to badger them. In this article that insists parents can teach their children to accept no, it mentions a day saying, badgering by giving into it. One dad said, "My son keeps it up until he finds something I'll say yes to. He'll even change the subject and ask for something completely different. It seems as if he needs a yes answer in order to leave the conversation. I imagine that if I keep saying no he'd eventually ask something like, 'Dad, could I take out the trash?' just so I'll say yes to him. We're stuck in a pattern. Somehow, we need to figure out how to end without me saying yes." It continues to say that this should never be allowed and than you need to tell you children not to ask you for anything else for an hour.

This sounds like excellent advice, really, but still, I could not help but feel bothered about it. You see, in raising my children, I have always been acutely aware of the fine line between correcting children stifling their giftedness. For example, I have a child who naturally inquisitive. For here to accept something... anything, you have to explain why to her. As a parent, I am often tempted to say "because I said so", and end the conversation. However, I have come to realize that her ability to ask very specific and direct questions in an effort to understand a concept or rule is going to empower her in her adult life. Therefore, I have learned to humor her inquisitive nature, and I have further channeled that strong curiosity of hers into a desire to do research and find answers on her own.

Like the child in the example, my son is an expert negotiator. At the age of 13, he has learned to read body language and mood and knows when to ask for what he wants and how. He has also learned how to accept No, and to rethink what he wants and downgrades his request. Had we taken the advice given in the article, and told him his need to negotiate with us equated to badgering, he would have had to start over as an adult to learn this important skill.