Domestic Violence Survivors: Leaving the Abuser

Leaving, Planning, What to Bring and What to Expect

As a Domestic Violence Case Manager, I've met numerous people who were looking to leave their abusive relationship. When you meet people, who have a common ground, you will eventually see a pattern in both behaviors and expectations. If you know a survivor who is leaving, or are one who is contemplating leaving, hopefully this article may be of some help. (Please note: Some Orders of Protection will make the batterer leave the home. Each person must decide which will work best for them; leaving themselves or excluding the batterer from the home.)

As one prepares to leave, having an emergency bag hidden in the home, work or a friend's house is helpful and borders on essential. Paperwork that one should remember to bring includes but isn't limited to the following items:

Birth Certificate for yourself and your children

Social Security Card

Driver's License

Passport, Green Card, Naturalization Card, Work Visa

Your bank account information and car insurance/note information

Medications, prescriptions and glasses/contacts

If it is possible to squirrel away money for a little nest egg, do so. Place it somewhere safe, and be discreet. Keep in mind though, this article is not meant to be a walk through on how to leave. Every person and their situation are different and one must leave in the manner that is safest for them.

If you can manage it, also put aside extra clothing, jewelry, and a limited number of small precious items, i.e. family photos. Unfortunately, I had a client who left, and her husband burned the few pictures she had of her parents. She said she had no problem giving up her house, and all her belongings, but she wanted those photos. As they were originals, and there are no living relatives, she no longer has any of those precious items.