My Life in the Online Dating Game

Is online dating for me? About three years ago I noticed that I didn’t seem to have partner or even a girlfriend and I kept running into the same old people, nice enough people, but no chemistry. How could I, a middle age dyke meet someone new? Was there even a place for me in Internet dating? I quickly found an Internet dating service on PlanetOut, a site for gays, lesbians, bisexuals, and transsexuals. Looking at the ads was free but if you wanted to respond or if you wanted to post your own profile, you had to join and pay a small fee. After much trepidation, I joined. Then it took me about three weeks to post a profile. Putting up a profile was such a public thing; I would be revealing myself to hundreds, maybe thousands of strangers all of whom would reject me. But low and behold I met someone online and after a few e-mails we agreed to meet face to face. My very straight therapist was very worried even though we were only meeting for coffee in a very public outdoor plaza. “Be sure to have someone drive you and pick you up.” I don’t know if she thought my date might steal my car. “Watch out that a gang doesn’t grab you and drag you into a car.” I had not heard of any lesbian gangs terrorizing the citizens of the Los Angeles basin but I guess you never know. I ignored everything the therapist said and went off to meet my date. Both of us were self-described as being short and having short gray hair. We found each other immediately. Marta and I dove into talk right away and discussed every thing from literature to our first loves. The only problem was that she just couldn’t get over a woman who had left five years ago. However, we did agree to meet again and did. At this meeting it became apparent that Marta had yet to accept herself or feel good about being a lesbian. But I still liked her and wanted to see her again. I wish I could say that I was the one to end it but it was she who suddenly had other plans, wasn’t sure when she could next make it, etc. I had been dumped. Back to PlanetOut. PlanetOut’s online dating service was like my real life: I started seeing the same old faces. I wondered if the mainstream online dating services had woman to woman sections. Well, of course they did. They are in the business of making money and they aren’t about to miss out on gay and lesbian money. I did run into one site that said that I should go to their second site that specialized in alternative sex. It specialized in threesomes, bondage and S & M, diapers, and who's your daddy. Now I’m just a middle of the road vanilla type sex person so that site was definitely not for me. I signed on to Yahoo Personals and Match.com. Both these online dating services have lots of good features. By this time I was ready to meet anyone who was female. I had coffee with a woman who was half-bald and who bolted down a huge dinner. I had coffee with another woman who I knew wasn’t for me. I was just counting the minutes until I could politely leave and I think she was too. In the middle of the waiting, we had a fierce argument about Ariel Sharon; she pro and me con. I decided to be very, very picky. My next date was coffee (again with the coffee) with a woman who assisted other woman through the birth process. She was interesting and passionate about her work. We agreed to go see a movie for a second date. When we sat down, I could feel the ice coming off her. When the movie was over, she told me I reeked of cigarette smoke and it had made her almost sick. I was very surprised because I smoked only outdoors but I knew I had lost another one. I also decided to quit smoking as I seemed to be the only smoker left in California. Suddenly I struck gold and met a woman who was a psychotherapist, a dog owner, and a writer. We met for lunch at the Los Angeles Gay and Lesbian Center where there used to be a little coffee shop that served sandwiches. The coffee shop had closed down so I hopped in her car and we went to a restaurant. My therapist would have fainted straight away had she known that I got into a car with a complete stranger. She had her dog, Silda, with her. Silda was a cute little something or other with a bad skin allergy that she scratched and chewed on and that made her smell so bad that I almost gagged. I saw my new friend, Kate, for about eight months. Bells didn’t ring and the earth didn’t shake but we usually had a good time except for the gag a maggot dog and Kate’s persistent negativity. Finally the dog and the negativity got to me and I broke it off. I rejoined Yahoo Personals and Match.com. and stuck to my “be picky” rule. Its not that there weren’t lots of nice women out there, the pickyness was in choosing someone who would be right for me. A good online dating service can be very helpful in the weeding out process as well as helping to find someone. A few months after Kate, I arranged to meet a woman, not for coffee but at a concert! There was absolutely no romantic chemistry between us but there was great friendship chemistry plus loads of shared interests and we have continued to be friends. I’ve recently met a woman who makes the bells chime, the earth shake, and my knees weak. It’s looking good but time will tell. From my experiences, I can offer some advice. Use a well known online dating service. They have very good features and a large base of people from which to choose. Be patient, don’t meet people for the sake of meeting people unless you feel you need some dating practice. Be persistent and don’t give up—Mr. or Ms. Right may be just around the next mouse click.