New Natural Body Detox Patches from the Makers of Kinoki Detox Foot Pads Hit - No - Bitch-Slap the Market

The makers of Kinoki Japanese detox foot pads have unveiled their new natural body detox patches. No mere incremental step forward in holistic body detoxification, these products are nothing short of revolutionary. While Kinoki detox foot pads and similar detox patches cleanse the body of toxic build-up and heavy metals, relieving chronic sufferers of such unquantifiable discomforts as low energy, restless sleep, and mild malaise, the new lines of body detox patches take aim at individual, well-defined problems, providing tangible results.

As sales of their detox foot pads wane, the Kinoki company seeks to increase its share of the natural body cleansing and holistic treatment markets with these new detox pads. Blaming the decline in foot pad sales on "rabid, ignorant naysayers obsessed with devil-phrases like 'scientific evidence,' and 'biological impossibility,'" Mei-skam U. Luongtime, a spokesman for Kinoki, expresses optimism for the new body detox patches.

"First, Research and Development explored the possibility of a patch that would cleanse the Earth of anyone who referred to our detox foot pads as a scam. R&D devised some implementable options, but each eventually reached an impasse with Legal. So, Kinoki turned to Plan B. We expect these new natural body detox pads, with more tailored purposes and concrete effects, to find long-term success by providing consumers with enough clear benefits to silence the skeptics," said Luongtime.

Like their predecessors, the new Kinoki natural body detox pads are based on the ancient Japanese tradition of magically sucking bad things out of the body by sticking patches on it. But the new detoxification patches are far more ambitious than any holistic body detox pads previously available.

Here's a look at what is hopefully only the first wave of new body detox patches from Kinoki. In keeping with the foot pad's branding paradigm, each cleansing patch is named for the area of the body to which it is applied, while providing seemingly incongruous, if not impossible, results.

The Kinoki Detox Ass Pad