New Natural Body Detox Patches from the Makers of Kinoki Detox Foot Pads Hit - No - Bitch-Slap the Market

Introducing New Lines of Detox Patches to Stick All Over Your Body, as Not Seen on T.V

The makers of Kinoki Japanese detox foot pads have unveiled their new natural body detox patches. No mere incremental step forward in holistic body detoxification, these products are nothing short
 of revolutionary. While Kinoki detox foot pads and similar detox patches cleanse the body of toxic build-up and heavy metals, relieving chronic sufferers of such unquantifiable discomforts as low energy, restless sleep, and mild malaise, the new lines of body detox patches take aim at individual, well-defined problems, providing tangible results.

As sales of their detox foot pads wane, the Kinoki company seeks to increase its share of the natural body cleansing and holistic treatment markets with these new detox pads. Blaming the decline in foot pad sales on "rabid, ignorant naysayers obsessed with devil-phrases like 'scientific evidence,' and 'biological impossibility,'" Mei-skam U. Luongtime, a spokesman for Kinoki, expresses optimism for the new body detox patches.

"First, Research and Development explored the possibility of a patch that would cleanse the Earth of anyone who referred to our detox foot pads as a scam. R&D devised some implementable options, but each eventually reached an impasse with Legal. So, Kinoki turned to Plan B. We expect these new natural body detox pads, with more tailored purposes and concrete effects, to find long-term success by providing consumers with enough clear benefits to silence the skeptics," said Luongtime.

Like their predecessors, the new Kinoki natural body detox pads are based on the ancient Japanese tradition of magically sucking bad things out of the body by sticking patches on it. But the new detoxification patches are far more ambitious than any holistic body detox pads previously available.

Here's a look at what is hopefully only the first wave of new body detox patches from Kinoki. In keeping with the foot pad's branding paradigm, each cleansing patch is named for the area of the body to which it is applied, while providing seemingly incongruous, if not impossible, results.

The Kinoki Detox Ass Pad

Related information
  • Natural body detox patches make internal boo-boos go bye-bye!
  • If it doesn't claim to be Japanese, it doesn't work!
  • Kinoki Detox Foot Pads got nothing on their new detox patches!
 
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Just awesome.

Posted on 04/11/2009 at 12:04:14 PM

I just hope I don't wake up with these patches all over my body, well at least I am beyond the pelvic patch. You are one funny man! Oh wait maybe you are more than one man? MultipleMan!!

Posted on 01/04/2009 at 12:01:24 PM

This is hilarious! I used to have to sell those wretched things. I can't lie, so I always told people that it's just a scam, and that the deposits on the patches are just the result of a chemical reaction between vinegar and sweat, but people refused to believe it. The placebo effect is amazing, too... People would buy them for months at a time, claiming that they felt SO much better and knew that their bodies were being rid of toxins.

Posted on 11/14/2008 at 2:11:39 PM

Brilliant! Added you to my favorites and subscribed because of it.

Posted on 09/18/2008 at 11:09:21 PM

Everyone needs a good ass pad.

Posted on 08/11/2008 at 8:08:05 PM

Best title ever. Well said :)

Posted on 07/27/2008 at 3:07:09 PM

hahah... sooo... on another note where can I get an an ass detox pad?..... =/ ..heheheh

Posted on 07/24/2008 at 3:07:18 PM

This is a riot! You have made me laugh in the forums so I had to check out some of your articles. Thanks so much...I needed a good chuckle about now!!!

Posted on 07/17/2008 at 9:07:21 PM

Funny as hell E! Particularly liked the bosom pad.

Posted on 06/06/2008 at 1:06:01 AM

You should have entered this in the contest!

Posted on 06/05/2008 at 11:06:19 AM

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