My Top Eight Reasons for Hating MySpace.com

Yo Soy Un Perdedor

8. You are not an HTML programmer.
You downloaded every WYSIWYG editing tool known to man (and some only dogs can hear) to help you create your unique space. There is a whole industry growing up around building a MySpace page. These tools make it easy for anyone to drag and drop things on a page. The only problem is your page takes about 3 weeks to load. There is no optimization or concern for the casual browser. "Optimization" was a big word and you don't understand it, you self-absorbed little snot. I don't care if your MySpace name is "Hot-at-19" or "Full-Frontal-Female." I'm not waiting 5 minutes for your page to load on my high-speed connection. I lost "interest" 42 seconds into the download.

7. Who decided 8 was the limit?
I'm not in your top eight?! I'm broken hearted. Somewhere, somehow a programmer determined that 8 avatar icons would fit nicely in the space provided. Now everyone is clamoring to get in your top eight. This is proof that nerds run the world. I recently found a tee shirt caption that says it best, "Your mom is in my top eight." Are you really ready to see that?

6. Your music sucks.
Just because you are enthralled with "Tubesock and the Magnificent Brass Band Rejects" doesn't mean I should be subjected to them. I'm impressed that you figured out how to embed the stolen audio link into your page. I'm less impressed that the screeching coming from your page is more offensive than Yoko Ono after a fifth of whiskey and two packs of cigarettes. I love music and you are ruining it for me.

5. Those stats aren't you.
You are not 102 years old. You are probably 12 like 75% of the MySpace community. I really don't care to know your sexual orientation because I'm not looking to hook up with you. By the way, you can't have a religious preference and list your astrological sign in the same profile. You are a moron.