Man, Did I Mess Up!

Man I messed up and
I asked my wife,
What would she like to get?
A ruby diamond necklace,
Or some free money to go bet?
Would she like new dresses?
Or a restaurant gift card,
Get sent to trim her tresses,
Or some great steaks really charred?

But my wife she looked at me,
Guess I really should have said,
The request I posed was for Mother's Day,
Her look could have made me dead.
"For Mother's Day you give no list",
She said with enmity.
"It's 'supposed to come right from your heart,
Not an idea generated by me."

Now I knew that I was dead,
But I couldn't shut my mouth,
When you know that you're in trouble deep,
Your brain has a habit of going south.
So I kept right on a' babbling,
Soon I'd say something quite okay,
And while I was a'stutterin,
I'd have a little time to pray.

But God must be a woman,
I figured that before,
When "She's" left me in the can,
Further I think She keeps close score.

So of course I thought of nothing,
More that I could say,
I said I was a moron,
Didn't deserve my wife one more day.

But groveling didn't cut it,
She'd had enough of me.
Like I said I messed up big time,
Around I'd better keep a lawyer's fee.

Way deep down I know though,
That she will stay by me,
We've been together way to long,
To let some idiocy make her flee.

On the other hand I am insured,
For quite a large amount
If she gave me poison,
She'd have a large wad she could flaunt.

I've decided just to trust her,
But so I don't have to be a'hopin,
When we go to bed tonight,
I'm keeping one eye open.