The Couponer's Lament

I woke up this morning

The sun was shining bright

I'd been dreaming of the coupon fairies

Oh! What a lovely night!

Got up, got dressed, got coupons

Off to CVS I went

The following tale is why this is called

The Couponer's Lament

I walked in the door, coupons in hand

My plan was all set

The shelves had empty spaces

So I grabbed what I could get

I asked the cashier where the milk was

She said "I don't know. I don't stock it!

And why do you have those coupons?

The money comes straight from my pocket!"

She scanned my items roughly

and threw them in the bag

I bit down on my tongue

To keep from yelling at the hag

I had placed my coupons on the counter

You wouldn't think I'd have to remind

But, she barked out my total so I slid them closer

'Cause apparently she was blind

"This one says Do Not Double!" she spat out

with that voice I was beginning to loathe

"I can only let you use one.

You're not allowed to use both!"

"That's not what that means."I said

while trying to keep my cool

"Please call your manager up here.

Before you make up another rule."

He came up to offer assistance

She rushed to tell her side

But, I showed him the terms of the coupons

and assured him I had complied

He said "Martha, just scan the coupons.

You called me up for this?"

He turned to me with a smile and said

"Sorry for the inconvenience, miss."

She reluctantly scanned the coupons

"Did you get them all?" I enquired

"Yes!" she said with a sneer

"And I hope I don't get fired!"

My total had gone from twenty dollars

all the way down to two

She tendered my order, gave me my change

and two ECB's spit out right on cue

I walked out the door with a smile on my face

But, her temper finally blew

She yelled "That isn't right at all!

You didn't pay us. We paid you!"