Death of a Marriage: The Belief that Sex is Optional

One of the top reasons given by men for infidelity is dissatisfaction with or lack of sex. With women, it’s the lack of attention. Dissatisfaction is inevitable if sex is optional in your marriage or you have a que sera sera attitude - whatever will be will be.  In his book, Relationship Rescue, Dr. Phil McGraw writes, “If you have a good sexual relationship, it registers about ten percent on the ‘important scale’…But if you do not have a good sexual relationship, that registers about ninety percent…” When sex is withheld, even for understandable reasons, it subjects your partner to discomfort and vulnerability. Sex in marriage is so important that the Bible warns that any abstinence should be consensual and brief.

I’d bet most infidelity is not premeditated. It's not that people are vultures waiting to descend on your unsuspecting spouse or even that you spouse has malicious intentions. Sometimes, it’s as simple as they are accessible. His secretary or family friend. Her male coworker or the parent of a child. Ike Graham played by Richard Gere in the romantic comedy, “Runaway Bride,” seeks to understand why his first marriage didn’t survive. He asks his ex-wife, “did I just not see you?”  Perhaps, others see your spouse better than you do.

An image of two profusely sweating bodies, intertwined in a thrusting, rhythmic motion shouting and chanting in absolute mindless exhilaration, this is what immediately comes to mind when the word, sex, is mentioned. Yes, it’s mighty good when you achieve blissful orgasmic crescendos that almost render you unconscious; but, be honest, to expect this to be the norm in marriage is pure fantasy. Even in Hollywood, celebrities take off their makeup, unsnap their garters and pour their cellulite-ridden posteriors into cotton briefs like the rest of us!