How to Successfully Date a Co-Worker

Five Steps for a Workplace Relationship

By Shamontiel, published May 15, 2008
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Being attracted to a co-worker is fairly common, especially considering people spend approximately forty hours of their week at work and usually during the day. Seeing a person time in and time out that you may be attracted to, even if you didn't work with them before, can make it that much easier to want to date them. There are some companies who ban dating co-workers because of favoritism if one of the two is a subordinate; possible tension in the office when the couple is not getting along; unnecessary gossip from jealous co-workers; and inappropriate activity in open places. However, if the relationship is meant to be, you two want to try out a relationship regardless of company policy, or it's acceptable at your job, here are a few tips on how to successfully date a co-worker.

Tip 1: Ease your way into the relationship by being friends

Oftentimes, co-workers wonder whether a guy and a lady who always hang out are dating, but if they have no proof, co-workers can only take it as far as gossip. I once dated a co-worker for several months until we separated and went to two different colleges. Both of us came back to the same company for seasonal work again, and I was amused when co-workers would giggle and say, "I think ________ likes you." In my head, I thought, "You're damn right! He's my boyfriend." Out loud, I said, "Oh yeah?", shrugged, and casually changed the subject. Because he and I were such good friends already, it wasn't odd to find us talking to each other at work, but we usually took separate lunches and left at separate times of the day. Because we were not clinging to each other or showing any open affection at work, observers would just think we were casual friends. To this day, only two people knew we used to be in a relationship because we told them, and that was after we both left the company.

Tip 2: Dating a subordinate and not showing favoritism

 
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How to Successfully Date a Co-Worker
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Sending inappropriate messages on work email is not professional.

Credit: Shamontiel L. Vaughn

Copyright: Shamontiel L. Vaughn

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Takeaways
  • Ease your way into a relationship by being friends.
  • Avoid public affection in the workplace.
  • Showing jealousy in the workplace starts gossip and discomfort.
Did You Know?
Dating a co-worker outside of your department is safer and easier than dating an inside co-worker: other co-workers have less opportunity to see you two together; less smothering and room for debate; and less likely for favoritism accusations.
Comments
Showing Comments 1 - 7 of 7
 
 
Excellent tips! I haven't done this before, but it sounds like you are right on track. :-)

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Posted on 05/20/2008 at 8:05:19 AM

 
Shawn, I wouldn't let a job interfere with my interest in a guy, and I agree with you. However, I don't know if I'd narrow down immaturity to one location, especially when I'm watching one of the most immature women I've ever seen in my life on "College Hill." Your timing to talk about immaturity was right on point. Watch ONE episode of "College Hill" with Ashley L, and you may reconsider that New York issue. *shaking my head* But back to the topic at hand, I also believe that jealousy is the reason so many people butt into other folks' business. I've listened to co-workers speculate on each other's relationships, and my response is usually, "Why do you care?" I don't even read gossip magazines. Too busy trying to focus on self to worry about anybody else, unless I'm complimenting their relationship.

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Posted on 05/15/2008 at 4:05:10 PM

 
I absolutely agree with the different departmental aspect you mentioned. Still, so long as they're acting appropriately while they're on the clock, I just don't think it's anyone's business. But think about it, why does anyone but their noses in? IMO, it's typically rooted in jealousy which is a fear oriented emotion. I've worked for a variety of different places in my day and maybe it's just the geographical area here, but you really don't see a good degree of maturity, good ethics and professionalism in this part of NY. I've been offered managerial positions before and because of the maturity level of the subordinates, I've always freely declined the offers. It's just not worth the headache to me. Regardless, if I have the chance to experience true love with a woman, i'm just NOT going to allow a simple job to interfere with it.

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Posted on 05/15/2008 at 4:05:47 PM

 
Hi Shawn. You were typing when I was typing, I see. I definitely agree with you with the fraternization complexity. Sometimes I can see why it's necessary such as a lawyer in a relationship with his/her client. That person can get too deeply involved. But I just don't see the logic in a fraternization rule when two people are on an even playing field or in two different departments. For example, the janitor and the secretary are not going to mess up company business unless they have a Jerry Springer episode at work. I think if people can just act like adults when they're on the clock, there should be no issues.

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Posted on 05/15/2008 at 1:05:19 PM

 
Hi A.M. I don't understand jealous people, so Tip 5 was something I saw repeatedly at various jobs and advised from speculation. My personal feelings are if you feel like someone is cheating so much that you have to spy on him, just leave that joker alone altogether. There are too many men in the world to fight over one. However, I can say I'm guilty of Tip 3 in my younger years. I do recall getting into it with a couple of people at work, and before I knew it, the argument spread to company emails, in the breakroom, and supervisors got involved. Corporate companies are like the newspaper when it comes to dirt. Knowing this made me EXTREMELY careful when I dated a co-worker years later. You would've never known he and I weren't getting along because we still did the hi/bye thing. However, there were definitely some long conversations when we clocked out. But overall, that guy was my favorite relationship!

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Posted on 05/15/2008 at 1:05:29 PM

 
Good Afternoon. This is a topic I've always been indifferent on. My ultimate opinion is that people's personal relationships aren't the company's business, but I cannot deny the favoritism that I've personally witnessed. There are many times when a manager might suggest that each employee mind their own business as favoritism accusations are being slung. Some accusations are substantiated while others are not and then management must contend with the lack of maturity and unprofessional behavior that many employees regularly demonstrate (members of management included). But if two people are compatible and there's a possibility for them to fall in love and experience a quality relationship with each other, I think it's a poor choice to allow for a company's no-fraternization policies to come between them.

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Posted on 05/15/2008 at 1:05:05 PM

 
Great advice. I have always shyed away from dating coworkers because of Tip 3 and 5. However, you provide some insightful info on how to deal with relationships at work. Thanks for sharing. This is a great article.

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Posted on 05/15/2008 at 1:05:16 PM

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