The Entertainment News Update

Now-grown child star Haley Joel Osment pleaded guilty to two misdemeanor counts - one for DUI and the other possession of cannabis - stemming from a July incident that resulted in an accident.  Never mind the fact that the movie star is only 19 and that in most states you would get a TON more than what he did, but then again, most 19-year olds never saw dead people.  God, he was cute in that movie.  He could kill a nun with a hacksaw and he'd probably only get a few days in a low-key prison.

Rosie O'Donnell announced she is going to be in charge of a spin-off show from the series "Nip/Tuck."  This is too easy, I'm not even going to make a joke...

T.R. Knight of Grey's Anatomy is out of the closet!  I don't even know who T.R. Knight is, but the television star was forced to reveal his sexuality after the National Inquirer ran a story about the fight between Patrick Dempsey and Isaiah Washington that included the dialogue "I'm not your little f****t like (name deleted)."  The ACLU is now planning a lawsuit against Washington for his use of the highly offensive term.  It their press release, the ACLU said "That n****r don't got no right to call them f****ts." to which Washington replied, "I know what you are, but what am I?"  Knight could not be reached for comment, as he was skipping towards Gomorrah with Lance Bass. 

Not involved were Lance Armstrong and Matthew McConaughey, who denied this past week that they are gay.  Armstrong said "Just because I like spending a lot of time with a hard bicycle seat up my rear end while wearing tights does not make me gay."  McConaughey replied saying, "I was dumb enough to turn down the lead in Titanic...if I'm that stupid, wouldn't it have leaked by now?"

Oliver Stone announced he is going to make yet another movie about 9/11.  In other news, Stone likes beating horses into pulp, as in green pulp that can be made into money.  Tragedy and conspiracy never tasted so good as when you can milk them with conservative, sappy films that are guaranteed to profit.