How Do You Honor an Abusive Mother?

Today is Mother's Day and I've been thinking about the years of struggle I experienced as I tried to find ways of honoring my mother (who never wanted to be a mother). She was, after all, an abusive and self-centered mother, thanks, in part, to her own upbringing.

I wanted to be God-honoring, but it was so difficult, especially as many of my wounds had not yet healed. Nevertheless, I prayed God would help me think of ways to honor her as the mother He gave me without allowing her to steal me from myself. Those who have been through child abuse that lingered into adulthood will understand what I mean. I didn't know where she ended and I began, so I had to keep my boundaries intact and not allow them to be trampled.

Mother's Day was always the worst "holiday" of the year for me. I would read cards, trying to find one that fit our relationship.

"You have always been there for me." Huh? No.
"Thank you for always listening to me." No.
"A mother is a gift from God forever." No, I didn't feel that at all.
"A mother sacrifices for her baby." No, definitely not.
"Thank you for your love." No, I never felt her love.
"To the one who knows me better than anyone." No, she didn't know me at all.
"I know I can always go to you for comfort and direction." Absolutely not.
"Oh, the wonderful memories I have of you." Oh, no way!
"To the woman I cherish because she cherishes me." Not applicable at all.

What was I to do? She was a woman of pride - not always healthy pride, either. She would definitely be humiliated when the other mothers at church asked her what her daughter sent her for Mother's Day. It would not be God-honoring to embarrass her like that.

Only a few years before I had begun to tithe to her (instead of to my church) because God had impressed upon me through His Word that I should not be like the Pharisees who made a big show out of bringing their tithes into the Temple, while they had needy relatives who were not being taken care of. Jesus called them a "brood of vipers"! So I had already settle that issue. But to not send her a card on Mother's Day? That would be flat-out mean.

God's adorable battered child became God's adorable overcomer!

Credit: April Lorier

Copyright: April Lorier composition