The 2006 World Series: Making East Coasters Realize There Is a Midwest

You just know that somewhere some television executives are pulling their hair out. They were watching that game between the Cardinals and the New York Mets and doing everything short of voodoo to make the Mets win. You see, their diabolical plan had already been destroyed when the Tigers had the nerve to beat the Yankees. Dammit, they wanted a “Subway Series” and those damn players from Kansas or Wyoming or wherever the hell Detroit is had to go and spoil everything.

In the broadcasting world everything revolves around New York. You can bring them charts and graphs and all kinds of scientific evidence that the earth revolves around the sun and the galaxy revolves around some other point and they will still shake their head and state that everything actually revolves around New York. You see this in everything. It comes up a lot with weather. Sixty-three feet of snow could fall on Indianapolis and bury people as they walked and the snowstorm doesn’t actually become news until a few feet hit New York. Then the major news networks break into the soap operas and daytime talk shows and devote 24-hour coverage to New York snow plow activity.

Generally speaking the United States only cares about the coasts. They care about New York because there are a lot of celebrities there and they have Broadway and Wall Street and more concrete than should ever be concentrated in one area. They care about the other coast because they make movies and television shows there and there are more celebrities there. The celebrities that are not living in either New York or Los Angeles are immediately labeled as weird and quickly forgotten until they pilot their helicopter somewhere to rescue someone (see: Harrison Ford).