Fork in the Road

I was going on a journey. I read a sign that said, "When you find the fork in the road, turn right."

I did not find the fork in the road. However, I did find a spoon in the road. I decided to turn right and my car landed in a swamp.

I walked for two miles until I came to a small bar. I asked the bartender why there was no fork in the road.

The bartender said, "We needed the fork to feed our patrons pork."

"Why did you put a spoon in the road instead? My car is stuck in the swamp."

The bartender responded, "Only a buffoon would follow the spoon. Did you see a sign that said when you find a spoon in the road, turn right?"

"Well, no. But there wasn't a fork in the road. What was I suppose to do?"

"If you drove a mile farther, you would have seen a sign that said, "When you find the knife in the road, turn right."

"In other words, I should have skipped the spoon and gone for the knife?"

"Just remember, when you need to turn around your life, always follow the knife."

"Thanks for the advice."

"In the morning, I'll get my buddy Joe to tow your car out of the swamp."

"I would appreciate that. I'll remember to turn right at the knife when I get my car back."

"Also, after you turn right at the knife, don't forget to turn left at the plate. Follow my advice and you'll feel great."

"By the way, what is the name of this town?"

The bartender stroked his chin and said, "It's Mealsville."

"I should have guessed," I remarked. "I should have guessed."