Teaching Your Tween Daughter How to Stand Up to a Bully

Those middle school years are really brutal, especially on girls. Not only are their bodies changing, so are the temperaments of some of their friends and classmates. Girls who once were even tempered and pleasant to be around suddenly turn into vicious back stabbing cats, hurling snide remarks and insults. Some tween girls may have had enough experience with older siblings that they know how to deflect insults and stand up for themselves. For others, they will need some help and support from Mom before they find themselves turning into easy targets for abuse.

At our house, we've taught our tween daughter these four steps in dealing with girls who are bullies.

Avoidance

Bullies love the feeling of power and superiority, which is why bullies enjoy seeing how effective their insults are and how quickly they can make another girl cry. Take away that power, and they move onto someone else. Removing that power is a several step process and starts with ignoring or avoiding the bully. Parents should instruct their tween to walk in the opposite direction whenever they see a bully approaching. If the bully follows, your daughter should either join a group of her friends or walk to the duty monitor or another adult in charge.

Safety in numbers

I was bullied a lot as a kid and one thing I quickly discovered was that bullies will never go after a group of girls, but will instead go after the kid who's walking by herself. Encouraging your daughter to always hang out with friends or a couple of classmates is one of the best ways to keep a bully from singling your daughter out for harassment. If the bully does approach your daughter while she's in a group, the presence of her friends should mitigate any verbal taunts.

The Whatever Defense

Most bullying takes the form of insults, sarcastic remarks, and unkind comments and there's no way around the fact that these verbal taunts will hurt. Crying or hurling insults back will just empower the bully to continue. The very best defense against this abusive verbal sparring is what our family calls the "Whatever" defense.