Alcoholism: Don't Let it Destroy Your Future

The moment I first realized I would rather see my mom dead than have her live out the rest of her life as an alcoholic, was the moment I first began letting go.

I was 16 at the time, and I finally realized that I could no longer be the parent in our mother/daughter relationship and that I could not handle her emotional baggage AND my own. I was the only kid I knew growing up who attended Alcoholics Anonymous meetings just as regularly as an actual alcoholic did. I still remember the Serenity Prayer and the sobriety "birthday" song ("Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday to youuu, happy birthday to you. Keep coming baaaack, withouuut a driiiiiink."). I remember hearing stories of men and women of all ages affected by this disease, and how they'd finally gotten it under control, only to be overcome by it time and time again. I remember the tears, the laughter, and the hand clapping as my mom and others in the audience would nod in agreement with the speaker as they shared despair, regrets, fears, and their "rock bottom" moments, as well as their joy and successes. I would go because, even at a very young age, I somehow sensed that my mom's sobriety depended on my support, and with her being a single-parent in South Central Los Angeles, Ca. (now known as South LA) reliable babysitters weren't quite so easy to come by during the week.

It did not occur to me then, but I now realize, that my mom's struggle was also my struggle, her victories were my victories and her "rock bottom" moments were mine too. At a very young age (I was 6-10 years old at the time of the regular Al Anon meeting attendance), and before I even understood what stress or responsibility was, I had a lot to carry. I wonder if alcoholic/depressed/drug dependent parents know what a burden they can be to the children they bring into this world. This is not to say that your children don't need you, because they do, very much. You are the only parents we have, and so we love you unconditionally, in spite of how screwed up you may be psychologically.