Question: What Are You Saying to a Military Wife?

As a military wife I am asked many questions. While I do believe that most people do genuinely mean well, I would like to share how some of these comments and questions affect the person who is receiving them. 

1. I am against/for this war.

Seriously this does not help or make any military wife feel better. Nobody likes war, nobody wants war and most of all; nobody wants their loved one in the middle of a combat zone. Be for it or against it but don’t assume that telling the wife or loved one a military member your political standing. If you really want to offer something, tell them that you are praying for their soldier. Those few words go a very long way in giving that loved one a bit of peace. 

2. Do you worry about your spouse cheating/ Is it hard to be faithful?

I can’t tell you how insulting and hurtful this question is. I married a man who believes his word is the most important thing he has to give. I did not end up with a husband serving a year in Iraq because he goes back on his word; I ended up in such a position because he lives up to his word. Be here at home or in a war zone, my husband does not break his promises, I never doubted his fidelity here at home, I didn’t doubt while he was in Iraq. I am not an idiot I know we both had moments of temptation but we both gave our word the day we married. It would have been much harder for me to look my husband in the eyes and tell him that I cheated than it was for me to remain faithful. 

3. I could not do it.

If I had a dime for every time someone said this to a military wife, I wouldn’t need a retirement fund. I didn’t want to live a year without my husband but I married a soldier and by doing so, I made the choice to do whatever it takes. I didn’t feel like I do it either, but I did not have too many options at the time. He was called up; he went and I did what I had to do to manage on my own. We often discover that we can do a great deal more than we believe ourselves capable when it matters. 

4. Are you afraid your husband might hurt you now that he has killed other people?

forcing a smile before saying goodbye

Credit: Trudy Marshall-Bowler

Copyright: Trudy Marshall-Bowler