A Quick Guide to "Starbucks Speak"

Knowledge is Power at the Coffee Counter

As Starbucks continues on its quest towards world coffee domination, it’s almost a certainty that most of us will walk through their coffee scented doors during some point in our lives. When your time comes to step into their cozy coffee lair, you should be aware that you may find yourself in ear shot of attractive members of the opposite sex searching for a hip companion to share in some cappuccino colored conversation. As you approach the smiling barista at the counter to order, let’s hope you brought your linguistic A-game, otherwise you’ll be sipping your coffee alone surrounded by the warm glow of laptops and the cold reality of your un-hipness.

So to help you prevent a social catastrophe, let’s start with the basics of “Starbucks speak” and then we can tackle some of the more intimidating adjectives used to describe that caffeine filled cup you so adore.

You have four sizes to choose from when it comes to Starbucks’s drinks: Short, Tall, Grande, and Venti. At first glance, the cup sizes do seem a bit confusing and defy our conventional use of these words in the English language. Common logic would tell you that if you want a large drink you would order a tall, but in the Starbucks realm, a tall drink will only get you about 12 ounces of liquid. If you want the maximum amount of drink they offer, well then my thirsty friend, you’ll have to go with the Venti.

“What the hell is a Venti anyway?” you ask.

Well, in keeping with the Italian-based Espresso culture that initially inspired Starbucks, they have adopted a few of their words into the menu. Words such as Venti, Macchiato, and Con Panna.

Now before you throw your hands up in disgust and go running for the nearest gas station “cappuccino” machine, remember what we talked about earlier: An articulate drink-orderer is an attractive drink-orderer. Hang in there, by the end of this article you’ll effectively qualify as bi-lingual, and that virtually guarantees you extra points in the hip department.