The Best Self-Help is Free: Methods of Effective Persuasion

Chapter 18

This is Chapter 18 of The Best Self-Help is Free, a treatise by Mr. Stolyarov. You can read all chapters of this freely available treatise here.

Once you are able to avoid "trench warfare" issues in conversation, you will be well on your way to being able to persuade people with intellectual backgrounds greatly different from your own that your ideas and projects have merit to them and ought to be endorsed or at least not thwarted. A few additional approaches will enable you to persuade the people with whom you communicate more effectively.

"Seldom affirm, never deny, always distinguish." These words of Thomas Aquinas seem most applicable to effective persuasion. It is best never to directly tell another person that he or she is absolutely wrong in his or her beliefs or assertions. Nor, however, is it advisable to express full and enthusiastic agreement with ideas and beliefs that one in fact does not hold or is yet undecided on. Rather, whenever possible, it is best to attempt to get the other person to agree with your particular proposals within the framework of that person's fundamental beliefs. To accomplish this, it is best to use the other person's own statements to argue the truth of one's case.

For instance, if one were faced with a religious individual who argued that the pursuit of money and material goods is inherently corrupt, because it detracts from the "truly important" spiritual dimension of life, one need not argue against the importance of religion or spirituality to demonstrate that the pursuit of money and material goods can be worthwhile. One can simply state that, for someone who finds spiritual pursuits important, the acquisition of material goods can lead to increased leisure time in which to engage in such pursuits. One might be an atheist but could still argue this point without betraying one's principles or supporting ideas one does not believe in. Rather, one can adopt the view that all other things equal, it is better for religious people to condone the pursuit of material goods than to disparage it.