Al-Anon Taught Me to Be True to Myself

Imnotaduck is my philosophy in life. It reminds me to be true to myself. It reminds me that it does not matter what people might say about me, as long as I know who I am I will be okay.

This is the true story of how I came to find my true self.

While my husband was learning how to stop drinking in rehab, I was finding myself again through Al-Anon. The road back to me was rough and difficult at times. Being married to an alcoholic had changed me into someone I no longer recognized. Al-Anon was giving me the tools I needed to survive, grow and heal. For those who are interested in knowing how I found Al-Anon, I suggest reading my article: A Prescription for Al-Anon.

When my husband came home from his stay in rehab, He was no longer drinking, but he was still behaving towards me the same way. Alcoholics, and other types of addicts, transfer their guilt. They cannot handle their guilt over what is happening and what they are doing, so they find fault in everything their loved ones do. If you are worse of a human being than they are, then they can live with themselves.

Not only did my husband have layers of guilt, but it had become a habit to find fault with me. In many ways, Al-Anon had prepared me for his return home, but this was one hurdle that I could not get over. Everything he said to me and about me still tore me apart. I could not use the Al-Anon techniques to get me through this aspect of my life. They just would not work for me like so many of the other Al-Anon techniques were working for me.

Al-Anon teaches "I'm not a chair." When the alcoholic is saying something untrue about you, it is the same as them calling you a chair. You know you are not a chair. They know you are not a chair. And as long as they cannot convince you that you are a chair, you will not be a chair. Did NOT work for me! I just could not figure out how to apply this concept.

I begged one of the long-timers from my favorite Al-Anon meeting group to help me with this concept. She told me to meet her for lunch the next day and we would talk about it.

We went to Hardees at lunchtime. The place was crowded. She sat down in the middle of the restaurant. Then, when we were almost finished eating, she began...