Three Reasons I'm Sad Chuck Norris is a Republican

I like to think of Chuck Norris as a defender of the little people. I have fond memories of Chuck Norris as that guy in Sidekicks who helps asthmatic Jonathan Brandis defeat the high school bully's dojo and get the pretty girl. I would like to think of Chuck Norris as a guy who, if I knew him, would be playing for my team.

As it turns out, Chuck Norris is a Republican. (Yes, I've just learned this. I've apparently been living under a rock, too.) Don't misunderstand me. I have the utmost respect for a man who stands up and campaigns for what he believes in. Chuck Norris makes no secret of his NRA membership, his support of former Presidential hopeful Mike Huckabee, and his fundraising activities for Bush.

But I think I've been watching too many movies and not spending enough time in the real world. It's time for me to face facts-Chuck and I are roundhouse kicking for different dojos, at least as far as politics are concerned. I'm not angry at Chuck Norris. I'm sad in that way you get when a relationship isn't working out but it isn't anybody's fault and you want to try really hard to stay together anyway. It's time for Chuck and I to go our separate ways, it seems.

Here are the top three reasons why I'm sad Chuck Norris is a Republican:

The Chuck Norris jokes aren't as funny.

The Internet is crawling with Chuck Norris jokes about his superhuman strength and general awesomeness. But knowing that Chuck Norris is a Republican takes the fun out of laughing at his power. After all, the Republicans already have Halliburton and Patriot Act. Do they really need Chuck Norris' roundhouse kicks, too?

Sidekicks doesn't seem like the same movie anymore.

Yeah, I'm a big dork. I'm going to talk even more about what some people consider the lamest movie ever made. But I can relate to being the wheezy, social isolated kid who longs for a machine gun in math class. I still even daydream myself into action sequences, although my taste runs more toward post-apocalyptic zombie fighting these days.