Movies I Will Not See

There are certain movies that right away one knows one will never willingly watch. Sometimes it takes a close look at the trailer to determine this. Other times a little more research is required; reading reviews and what not. Sometimes just the title suffices.

An example of the latter is Sex and the City the movie. I've seen snippets of the TV show while channel surfing and, really, a quartet of vulgar, shallow, sex crazed bimbos who talk as much about how much they dislike their sex lives as often as they have sex? I once had a fantasy of the lot of them dying during 9/11. There they are having breakfast at a restaurant on top of the World Trade Center. One of them is holding forth on the oral sex technique of her latest paramour. Then another looks out the window and inquires, "What's that?" The next instance their disembodied spirits are picking their way through Ground Zero wondering why the big, studly fire fighters are ignoring them. They are doomed for all eternity to lust and not be able to slake their lust. Welcome to Hell, ladies.

The next category of films I won't see are comedies that use bath room humor and sexual situations (especially impotence or premature ejaculation) as the catalyst for laughs. I'm no prude, mind, and like soft core porn as much as anyone else, but seeing the girl's poodle bite the man in the behind while he's trying to entertain the young lady, as it were, would turn me cold even when I was an unsocialized young adult.

Iraq War films comprise another category. Mind, I would love to see some burly, all American hero slay the terrorists in droves and would be inclined to see any flick that depicts the same. But all of the Iraq War films made so far have a left wing message attached and, I'm sorry, if I wanted that kind of thing I can get it for free watching Chris Matthews on MSNBC. Fortunately I seem to be in very good company in staying away from such awful fare.