Dealing with Someone Else's Out of Control Child on the Playground

From that first encounter with an out of control toddler on the playground to the bully in middle school, parents of well-behaved children make choices every day that may influence the shape of the world in which all of those children- the well-behaved and the out of control- grow up.

The need to deal with out of control children starts early in a parent's experience. What parent hasn't encountered the phenomenon: you bring your child to the playground and another child aggressively pushes him out of the way to get to the slide or swing first. Perhaps, you have seen this out of control child push a couple of other children before your child gets pushed. The caretaker of the out of control child is not attentive. How do you react?

Do you lovingly correct the out of control child just as you would your own child, explaining why he has to wait his turn to use the slide or swing and not push other children?

Or, do you complain loudly about his behavior and label him a bully?

Suppose you ask the caretaker to control the child but later find the child repeating the behavior and the caretaker off talking to adults, not paying attention to the child.

Does the out of control child's repeat behavior make you mad? Do you scold him for deliberately doing wrong? Do you loudly call his behavior to the attention of the caretaker, not caring how it makes the child feel?

Or, do you firmly but gently remind the out of control child of playground rules and the reason for the rules?

Many parents instinctively try to protect their child from any child whom they perceive as behaving badly. They may comment on an out of control child's behavior as a lesson to their own child as to how not to behave or in an effort to shame the out of control child or his inattentive caretaker. Sometimes the commenting exudes holier than thou overtones, the message that we consider ourselves superior to you clear to all who hear it.

While distancing yourself and your child, by one means or another, from a child who is misbehaving may be natural, is it optimal?