Repo Man: Tales from the Road, Lessons for Life II

Pirates of the Interstate

It is said that assumption is the mother of all [screw] ups. In the world of the modern Pirates of the Interstate, that is the understatement of all time.

If you want to survive as an agent in the field (and I mean that literally), you assume nothing. You work with what you know for certain, and you doubt even that much constantly.

Think you're sneaking up on a nice quiet farmhouse? Look again. Is that a shotgun barrel peeking out the window at you?

Here's an example of how assumption can cost you dearly in time and energy.

It's mid October, and the weather's getting bitter cold at night. A file lands on my desk. It's a skip - a debtor who tried to run with the collateral. I go through the paperwork and discover that the vehicle has been located, parked behind an abandoned house way out in the hills south of Utica. Other crews, even other companies, have beat the scene to exhaustion, and haven't been able to retrieve the vehicle.

I smile the evil smile at "Jim", my partner. He drops his head into his hands. He knows from my expression that this repo is a kind we like to call "impossible" - and I love to bring back the impossible ones.

Three hours later, we arrive at our address. We immediately see why those who came before us had such a hard time - the driveway is very steep. At such a high angle, it's impossible to get a tow truck up to the car because the bed will smash into the hillside. Even a wrecker (a tow truck without a bed) couldn't make it, because the same thing would happen to the wheel-lift.

We park on the side of the road and get out to inspect the scene. The drive is pitted from the failed attempts of our predecessors. There are even ruts in the greenery on the surrounding hill, where others have tried to drive up on the lawn, which is a little less severe.

Coming around behind the house, we spot our car. The VIN matches - this is it. And it is in a really bad spot.